


Our Love Knows No Fear or Doubt

by Aewin



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-04
Updated: 2013-06-04
Packaged: 2017-12-13 23:12:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,597
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/829938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aewin/pseuds/Aewin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's a little awkward talking to AA about the nightmares, mostly because her corpse features in so many of them, but she's always had a way of uncovering your deepest fears and insecurities. You can't hide from her, and that might be a good thing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Our Love Knows No Fear or Doubt

**Author's Note:**

> HSWC bonus round 1. Prompt from universeheart on Dreamwidth:
> 
> "Our love knows no fear or doubt  
> Just blaze and fade out.  
> Our silence is spacious  
> More vibrant and firm  
> You eyes are like lasers wherever you turn  
> We know there's no boundaries to keep us apart  
> You are radiant in your bliss and hot like a sunflower" - Seba, Blaze and Fade out

Your dreams were never pleasant, even with easy access to sopor. The voices would whisper and pinch cruelly at the corners of your mind, keeping you awake for days and nights at a time, until you finally passed out where you sat and Aradia would once more find you hunched over and shivering, crying out in your sleep for relief from the voices of the dying. You remember scratchy, cool cloth pressed against your feverish face, and the soft, mindless humming of adventure movie theme songs. You remember the weightless feeling of being lifted effortlessly with psionics and lovingly lowered into your recuperacoon. _I want the red side,_ she would always pout. _If you’re going to sleep there, it will just have to be with me._ Truthfully, you never minded. Those days were good, despite their miseries, because you would wake up to find her ample curves crammed into the same side of the ‘coon as you, chin tucked into your neck as she made the myriad soft little noises of sleep.

But now it’s not the dead or the dying that taunt you in your daymares; it’s _you_ , and the monster that you are. You relive the worst night of your life again and again: the eye-searing flash of lasers, the hours spent retching into the load gaper until you were numb, the time spent scraping dried burgundy blood from beneath your raw-bitten nails until you tore the final one off in a fit of rage and screamed yourself into silence. It happens nearly every day, and today is no exception. But this time, when you convulse back into lucidity, her arms are around you—warm, firm, and comforting.

“Sollux? Are you okay?” You weren’t expecting her overly-cheerful voice to be so close to your ear, and you twitch in reflex, bumping horns together.

“Fuck, AA. Warn a blind guy before you get within goring distance next time.” Your reply is reflexively aggressive—it’s impossible to know KK without developing that particular habit—but you’re shaking and clinging to her like a wriggler despite the venom in your words.

Aradia presses a kiss behind your ear, and smiles against you.

“I remember a time when you couldn’t _wait_ to gore me, silly.”

You’re sure you’re blushing, but that’s beside the point. “It’s too fucking early for unsolicited sexual advances. I was _trying_ to sleep, if you didn’t notice.”

She nibbles your ear playfully. It’s exceedingly distracting.

“Well, it didn’t seem like you were doing a very good job of it. Come _on,_ Sollux, tell me what’s wrong or I’ll have to break out the interrogation kit.”

You groan.

“Three—”

“Two—”

You’re opening your mouth to respond when her hands dart under your shirt and she begins tickling you mercilessly. You can’t fucking help it, this is your weak point and she _knows_ it, damn it, and it’s all you can do to choke back your yelps and hysterical half-laugh/half-sobs as you try in vain to fend her off.

“You cheating—nggh—god-tier fairy asshole—I should have known you’d betray me at the first sign of weakness—”

She snorts in amusement, but doesn’t let up. “Oh come on, Sollux. I’m a Time player, I can skip one measly little number in a countdown if I want to. It’s all irrelevant in the end, really—” She pokes her fingers into your armpits and you almost bite off your tongue trying not to wake the others up with your howling.

“I _yield_ , you traitorous scum! I demand you unhand me and take me to your leader at once. The worst someone else can do is a helmsblock, but you—you’re a certified fucking _sadist,_ I swear.”

Aradia laughs but begins to gently massage you, her nimble fingers tracing circles into your sides and brushing the overstimulation away as you regain your breath. The silence stretches comfortably between you. She’s the only person you can _do_ this with; with everyone else you’ve always got to be on your guard, if not on the offensive, but you can trust that Aradia won’t take advantage of you for relaxing around her. You know each other so well, even after all this time, that the silence is sometimes a language of its own.

Her hand trails up your chest and she sinks her fingers into your hair, scratching at the bases of your horns. “Tell me what’s wrong, Sollux. This is the second night you’ve been restless in your sleep, and I know there’s no sopor here, but if you don’t have the voices to deal with, what _is_ it?”

You instinctively avert your head, even though you can’t see. Old habits die hard, you guess, but you’ve never lied to her before, and you’re definitely not going to start now. You sigh and make your peace with the impending feelings jam.

“Just. I—I keep dreaming about that night, okay, don’t make me fucking _say it_ , and I’m glad you’re alive but I don’t deserve you, not after what I did.” It tumbles out of your mouth so quickly that you’re sure it must have been unintelligible, but she must have heard because suddenly she’s rolling over and settling her weight evenly on you, pulling you into a tight hug.

“Sollux, you know I could never blame you for that. You meant the world to me back on Alternia, so what would make you think that you’re not worth it _now,_ after I’ve watched you save our friends so many times, seen you put your life—well, _lives—_ on the line to save people you don’t even like _?_ If anything I’m _more_ flushed for you than ever. You mean the whole of existence to me now that I’ve found you again, and I am _not_ letting you go, especially not because you think you don’t deserve me. That is a blatant lie, and the fact that you believe it only makes you more pitiful. So you are _stuck_ with me, Sollux Captor. Forever and ever.”

She nuzzles her soft face against yours, tangled curls scratching softly against you. Her eyelashes flutter shut against your cheeks, and the familiarity of it all triggers a reluctant sense of peace, enough that you reach around to pull her closer and complete the remembered ritual of everyday life.

“I just can’t be sure I won’t do it again.” You’re whispering now, afraid to shatter the serenity and bliss of the moment.

“If it worries you that much, we don’t have to take Aranea’s offer. I don’t mind, if it makes you stop doubting us.”

You shake your head against her hurriedly. “I don’t doubt _us._ Just _me._ ”

“Well, don’t.” Her lips press wet and hot against your neck, and your breathing quickens. Now this… _this_ is a different kind of memory altogether. You wish you could see her radiant smile and stunning curves, but you can imagine them still; every dimple and tiny imperfection that you’ve spent hours precisely mapping with tongue and fingers, the curve of her back as it arches in pleasure, the slighty-derpy-but-oh-so-adorable face she makes when she spills her warmth inside of you. You run your hands over her and sigh with relief. She’s the same as ever, besides the delicate wings. She shivers and gasps when you cautiously run a finger over one of them, and you instinctively press your hips closer to her at the sound.

“I believe we were in the middle of a conversation. Who’s making sexual advances _now_ , hmm?” she teases.

“Ehehe, I believe we had better finish that conversation soon if you want to finish it at all.”

She wriggles out of your grasp to sit astride you, and you scowl in frustration.

“Fuck, AA, what do you _want_ out of me? A signed contract saying that I, Sollux Captor, agree not to doubt myself for any reason ever again?”

“Among other things.” Her fingers trace patterns on your chest as she talks.

“How the hell can you be so certain of yourself?”

“Well, it’s easy,” she says, sketching what you think is a heart. “We’ve died enough between the two of us to throw history’s biggest corpse party, right? But we’re together right now regardless. We always find each other, and Skaia help anyone who tries to get in our way.”

Heh. She’s got a point. Death has become sort of…well, _bland_ for both of you since entering the game. It’s not like you want to leave her; you just want her to be safe. Since she won’t leave the ship, the best way to do that is to stay and help.

“I can’t promise a contract, but I see where you’re coming from. You may have to smack me every now and then as a reminder—no, not with the fucking whip, I heard that damn snigger and we are _not_ doing that again _ever_ in the history of _ever_ —but. Fuck, where was I? Oh. I will _try_ not to loathe myself so overtly, okay? For your sake.”

“That will do. Was there anything else?” she asks sweetly, rolling her hips into yours. God, you love this woman.

“Not really.” You really hope that’s all she wants to talk about, because you’re quickly losing all capability for rational thought.

“Good. Now stop arguing and do that thing with the wings again.”

You do the thing with the wings again, and by the time she’s done with you there is no room left in your head for doubt; only for warmth, and softness, and the distinct honey-apple taste of your matesprit.


End file.
